Saving your Marriage from Disaster
Would your spouse say that you have their back? If not, your marriage could be heading for disaster. This article will give you and your spouse some very helpful and practical tools to save your marriage from ending in disaster, and at the same time help you to begin doing the things that MUST BE DONE, in order to have a blessed and happy marriage.
The very first mention of marriage in Scripture is in Genesis 2:24, when God says, “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and he shall cleave to his wife.” In the Hebrew language, cleave means “to stick like glue.” God has designed marriage so that a husband and wife would be super-glued together.
The very first mention of marriage in Scripture is in Genesis 2:24, when God says, “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and he shall cleave to his wife.” In the Hebrew language, cleave means “to stick like glue.” God has designed marriage so that a husband and wife would be super-glued together.
Practically speaking, this means to be completely devoted and committed to one another, with God as a third member of the marriage, playing the role of coach and encourager, and providing supernatural strength to endure even the most difficult of seasons.
In fact, the Bible tells us in Ecclesiastes 4:12;
“A person standing alone can be attacked and defeated, but two can stand back-to-back and conquer. Three are even better, for a triple-braided cord is not easily broken.”
In other words, for the Christian, not only are we called to stand “back-to-back”, or in other words, always watching out for one another’s back in our marriages, but we must also keep Jesus in the center of our relationship. Husband and wife are to proactively and passionately watch one another’s backs, while at the same time purposefully pursuing and relying upon Jesus as the third person in their marriage, if marriage is to be experienced to the fullest, as God has intended for it to be.
With this being said, when Christian couples fail to watch out for one another, and they fail to keep Jesus in the center of their individual life, and in their marriage, they are heading for marital disaster.
Once husbands and wives become self-focused (Gal. 5:19-21), instead of Jesus focused (Gal. 5:22-23; Jn. 13:34-35), and they stop esteeming one another higher than themselves (cf. Phil. 2:1-4), things begin to unravel at the seams, and they begin dreaming of a way of escape, and the new life that escaping could bring. Once a couple begins traveling down this road, they begin making decisions based upon their own feelings, which are dangerously deceptive (cf. Jer. 17:9), as opposed to God’s way (cf. 1 Peter 3:1-7), which is enormously fruitful (cf. Matthew 6:33; Eph. 5:21-32).
When this begins to happen in a relationship, the Christian couple will find that they are traveling further and further away from one another, due to the fact that watching one another’s back, and keeping their eyes upon Jesus is not their top priority any longer. When this takes place they end up seeing only the worst in each other, begin extending little grace, and begin expressing empty words of affection. Spiritually they are dead. Emotionally they are drained, and optimistically their hopes and dreams of living happily ever after are long gone.
In my experience, I have found that in cases like this, the majority of couples simply do not have the energy to continue on in their marriage commitment, and in our day and age, many of them end in divorce, clinging to the hope that “God will understand” when they do break their marriage vows with Him and with one another.
Once this takes place, the two people who were spiritually super-glued together through their marriage covenant with God, are ripped apart like two pieces of wood that have been permanently molded together. There is a horrific and painful splintering that takes place, and broken pieces can be found everywhere. Of course, the greatest tragedy in this brutal and painful ripping apart, and the one’s who are the most damaged casualties of this marital war, are the children.
The sad thing about this, is that it is happening to over 50% of all marriages (67% of all second marriages), Christian and non-Christian marriages alike. We have found ourselves right in the middle of a divorce epidemic.
What is the cure?
I believe there are three simple but vital things that must be done in order to heal, restore, and revitalize your marriage.
1. Repent
- Confess your sins and selfishness to God, and to your spouse.
- Tell Jesus and your spouse how sorry you are for being a bad example as a man or woman of God. Tell them you are so sorry for not allowing Jesus to rule your words and actions, and that you are going to trust in Him to help change you.
- Turn from your selfish and sinful mode of operations within your marriage, and begin encouraging and serving your spouse (even if they do not respond right away)
- Find someone (of the same sex) to keep you accountable to be a godly spouse
2. Put Jesus first again
- Jesus said, "Seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all shall be added" (Mt. 6:33). Meaning, when God is first in your life, the rest of your life (including your marriage) will be taken care of (blessed, fruitful and fulfilling)
3. Have your spouses back
- When you have your spouses back, you are concerned with being a blessing to them in all areas of life (cf. Ecclesiastes 4:12)
- Purposefully pray for your spouse and your marriage daily
- Never speak evil of your spouse to anyone
- Stop all foolish jesting with your spouse. It is sin (Eph. 5:4), and is always destructive to your relationship. Instead, "Let everything you say be good and helpful, so that your words will be an encouragement to those who hear them (especially your spouse and children)" (Eph. 4:29, NLTse)
Please also refer to the following articles for more practical advice on having a successful marriage.
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