The Secret to a Thriving Marriage!

I have to tell you, and I realize before I say this that it may not seem very "manly" of me to say this (at least by some men's standards), but being married to my wife has been by far the greatest blessing in the world to me. 11 years ago today, on September 25th, 1999, I became (in my opinion) the most blessed man on the planet! God allowed me to marry one of His amazing daughters, Lyndsey, and it has been the greatest adventure and love story that I could ever have hoped to experience up to this point in life.

I have to confess to you, that our marriage has been absolutely blessed beyond measure as far our relationship is concerned. We have had arguments of course, especially in the first 6 months of our marriage, when God stuck two very rough lumps of clay together. It was awkward at times, but we allowed the Potter to take His Spirit, and pour over us the Living Water, in order to help mold us smoothly together. Since that time God has taken our arguments, and taught us how to communicate effectively with one another, in a way that neither of us gets our feelings hurt (the majority of times that is), and where God is hopefully glorified.

After 11 years of marriage we are still the very best of friends, and we would both confidently tell you that our love for one another continues to grow more and more as time passes on. I do realize that this is not the norm for marriage these days. These days, statistics show that over half of all the marriages that are taking place will end in divorce, even within the Christian community, and many times the excuse that is given is, "WE SIMPLY GREW APART!"

If growing apart is the norm, then why is it that Lyndsey and I feel closer together as the years pass by? Why is it we are more in love with one another today, than when we first fell in love? Why is it that we are more hopeful for our future together than ever before? Why is it we can wake up and say that our greatest joy in life is the quality time that we get to spend together?

We wholeheartedly believe that it is because of the formula we follow.

What is the Formula we Follow?

While Lyndsey and I were going through our engagement process back in 1999, we read a book about marriage, that explained how God has intended marriage to be until death do us part, and not just to survive until death do us part, but to absolutely thrive! This book reeled off the statistics about how over 50% of all marriages end in divorce, including professing Christians (not good odds if you ask me). But then this book explained that there was a separate survey within the Christians that were polled. They said that when they surveyed Christian marriages who were devoted to praying together and reading their bibles every day, the divorce rate in Christian marriages went from 1 out of every 2 marriages ending in divorce, to 1 out of every 1052!

We do not claim to be geniuses, but neither are we fools. Lyndsey and I already knew the importance of praying daily and reading our Bibles daily, as spending time with God was and still is, even more important to us than spending time with one another. However, when we read this statistic of 1 and 1052, it even further solidified our commitment to pray and read our bibles daily, so that our marriage would have the best possible chance of not only surviving but thriving.

Why is it that the combination of praying daily with and for one another, as well as reading God's word, make a marriage so successful? The reason is simple. It is because when a couple is committed to this, they are doing marriage God's way! God is the inventor of marriage, and so we should obviously follow His pattern for it, in order to be successful at it, and to thrive within it.

What are some other things that we do that also help our marriage thrive?

1. We are each others biggest fans! We daily look for ways to encourage one another and express our love to one another.

2. We believe that God has called us together in order to complete one another, and not compete with one another. Therefore we do not try and compete against each other in any areas of life, except for maybe Wii and Scrabble! Which she normally beats me in every time.

3. We are both imperfect people, and so we made an agreement early on in our marriage to be strong in the grace that is found in Christ Jesus to one another (2 Timothy 2:1).

Some Encouragement to husbands:

Husbands must strive to treat their wives like Princesses, after all they are royalty. They belong to Jesus, and He is the King of kings.

Husbands must also strive to be the spiritual leader. This means daily encouraging your wife to spend time in prayer and in God's word. You should ask the question, "What did God show you in His word today?" Or, "How is God speaking to you through His word?" Or, "How did you see God working in your life today?" If you are not thinking and caring enough to ask these questions, the chances are she won't be thinking and caring enough to practice these spiritual disciplines.

As a spiritual leader of the home, this is the mentality I would encourage you to strive for. When you come home from work, your attitude should be, "Hi, I am the Spiritual Leader of this house! Now how can I serve you? How can I encourage you? How can I make you feel safe and secure? How can I draw you closer to Jesus today?" Husbands this is our DAILY GOAL!

Some Encouragement to wives:

Wives must honor their husbands! I can't say this enough. What tender love means to a woman, honor and encouragement are to a man. Men need to feel respected, trusted, and loved. Men need their wives to be their BIGGEST FANS! Men need their wives to be their BIGGEST ENCOURAGERS! WIVES, this is your DAILY GOAL! Encourage your man. Make him believe that you believe that he can do anything he puts his mind to.

Just Follow the Formula!

These are just a few of the reflections I have about what Lyndsey and I do to help our marriage thrive. It is important for you to know and understand, that these ideas are not theory to us, they are things that we put into practice daily. Just as the Bible says "faith without works is dead" (James 2:20), so to is a marriage without action.

I assure you that if you will simply follow the formula of putting Jesus first in your marriage, where both partners are spending time with God each day in prayer and by reading His Word, and then doing your best to apply it into your lives, God will richly bless your marriage.

I hope that my reflection upon my marriage, and some of the things that Lyndsey and I have put into daily practice throughout the years, will be an encouragement to you. Remember, Marriage is not about you, or what your spouse is doing for you. Marriage is about what you are doing to love, support, and serve your spouse!

May the Lord Bless you!