What is Sexual Immorality?

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I was recently asked the following question about Sexual Immorality:

 "The Bible says sexual immorality is a legitimate reason for seeking divorce. My question for you is this, what constitutes as sexual immorality? Is kissing someone other than your wife/husband sexual immorality? is groping sexual immorality? is sexting them sexual immorality? What about flirting with them? What about a husband who's addicted to pornography? At what point does something become an act of sexual immorality that allows for divorce?"

 This is a great question and one that the Bible does address for us. In order to have a clear understanding of what sexual immorality is, it is crucial to understand what this word means, and how it applies to our lives.

 The Greek word for sexual immorality throughout the New Testament is porneia (cf. Mt 5:32; 1 Cor 5:1; 6:18; 7:2; 1 Thess 4:3), which is where the English word pornography is derived from. It’s important for us to know this, so that when we speak about sexual immorality in the Bible, we understand that we are speaking about much more than adultery, and fornication. It includes any and all forms of sexual sin, done outside of the marriage bed.

This word porneia is used 26 times in the New Testament, describing such things like marital unfaithfulness (Mt 5:32), incest (1 Cor 5:1), fornication, adultery, homosexuality, sodomy (1 Cor 6:9, 18), illicit sexual intercourse (1 Cor 7:2), prostitution (1 Cor 6:15), orgies (Rom 13:13; 1 Peter 4:3), and all immoral sexual excess (Rom 13:13).

It should also be noted that back in the Bible days when this word porneia was used, there were no dirty magazines or websites for individual’s to visit. I point this out to note how sexual immorality has evolved into an even greater and grosser problem for humanity in our current day and age, due to the fact that a person can remain locked up in a private room, secretly indulging in sexual immorality without anyone ever knowing about it.

For the Christian, we know that any and all forms of sexual immorality is against God’s will (1 Thess 4:3), including fantasizing in our hearts (Mt. 5:27-28). In fact, the Bible exhorts us to, “have no fellowship with the unfruitful works of darkness, but rather expose them. For it is shameful even to speak of those things which are done by them in secret” (Ephesians 5:11-12).

Because it is against the will of God for us to be sexually active outside of marriage, the Bible tells us to, “flee youthful lusts” (2 Tim. 2:22a), “sexual immorality” (1 Cor. 6:18), and “pursue after righteousness” (2 Tim. 2:22b). Sexual purity is a standard that all Christians must strive for (Mt. 5:13-16; 1 John 3:3), at all times (2 Timothy 2:22), because it is the unchanging will of God for His people (1 Thess. 4:3).

In regards to your question about specific situations that we face today (kissing, groping, sexting, flirting, pornography, etc) and what is and what is not considered sexual immorality, we must remember that porneia refers to any and all sexual sin.

Therefore, kissing someone other than your spouse, groping, and pornography are without a doubt, acts of sexual immorality. My personal view regarding sexting would be that it is also sexual immorality due to the subject matter. Remember, we are to have “no fellowship with the unfruitful works of darkness” (Eph 5:11). I would also include one more form of sexual immorality to your list, which is objectifying another person. If a person is fantasizing about someone other than their spouse (i.e. turning that person into an object) while being intimate with their spouse, or while they are alone in some private place, this is considered sexual immorality as well (cf. Matthew 5:28).

Flirting would be the one thing from your list that would not be considered sexual immorality. However when a married person flirts, they are without question dishonoring God and their spouse, and are most certainly playing with fire. Many marriages have been ruined because of what began as "innocent" flirting.

With this being said, if you are currently experiencing this in your marriage, I am not advocating that you seek a divorce. The Bible tells us that sexual immorality is grounds for divorce, but never does the Bible say it is God’s will for you to divorce. If your spouse is repentant, it could quite possibly be an opportunity for you to allow the gospel to be lived out in your home.
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