Why are my relationships so screwed up?

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Have you heard of Emotional (or relational) Triangles before?

Triangles are the essential building blocks of relationship systems. We can’t avoid them. If you spend any time with people, then triangles will always form. Leading Sociologists say that "emotional triangles" are a part of all relational systems, and even though these triangles are neither good nor bad, they have the power to wreak havoc in our relationships with others if we do not approach them in the correct way.

A triangle is formed anytime three or more people are in a relationship together, and this in and of itself is neither good nor bad...  that is, until their is a disagreement between two of the individuals within that triangle. Then, what takes place is that the remaining innocent party is lured into taking sides with one of the two individuals who are in a disagreement.

Looking at the illustration (below) when PERSON 1 and PERSON 2 end up having a disagreement on something, a triangle will end up taking place the moment one or both individuals go to someone else (or another group) to "get counsel" or "ask for prayer". 
For the purpose of this lesson, let's assume that PERSON 1 speaks with another individual, whose name is "PERSON 3", about the disagreement that PERSON 1 finds himself in with PERSON 2 (see illustration below).
Once this happens, a triangle is most often formed. Rather than having the emotional maturity or relational intelligence to work their relationship out in a way that honors Jesus, one or both individuals will typically triangle in a third person (or group of people), like in the illustration above. This individual (PERSON 3) usually has a sympathetic ear. And because this individual has a sympathetic ear, and in most cases has a closer friendship with PERSON 1 than they do with PERSON 2, a triangle is formed, like in the illustration above.

 Once the triangle is formed, PERSON 3 has been poisoned against PERSON 2, and rather than being godly and discerning, and pointing PERSON 1 to Jesus, and encouraging them to go and work it out with PERSON 2 in a way that honors Jesus, the newly formed triangle ruins the relationship that PERSON 2 has with PERSON 1 and PERSON 3 (see illustration below).

What can you do if you find yourself in unhealthy relational triangles?

 The best thing to do is try to remain emotionally unattached to the triangle so that you can lovingly represent Jesus to both individuals or groups. This of course is not easy to do, because we will oftentimes feel sympathetic towards one of the individuals. But our goal as believers, if we are going to "pursue peace" with everyone (Hebrews 12:14), is to do our best to point each person (or group) to Jesus. 
That is the bottom line. How can you and I honor God in the midst of all the triangles we find ourselves in right now?

 You can watch an excerpt from a message I taught on this in order to determine what type of impact triangles are having upon your life, and the bigger question, is how are these triangles impacting your ability to honor Jesus in your relationships with those you have been triangles against?
  • You can learn more on "emotional triangles" by purchasing the book, People Please Pastors by Dr. Charles Stone.

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