Putting the STEAM back in Marriage

Last night our Family Life group at Bible Fellowship began a 5-part study, titled “Happily Ever After?” which is a series that is designed to strengthen our marriages.

Sometimes it can feel as if our marriages have either ran out of steam, or are at least in serious trouble of running out of steam. Our energy level can be depleted, and for some, an ungodly frame of mind can begin creeping in where Satan begins whispering the all-familiar lie, “Life is so much better on the other side of the fence.” This frame of mind can be a very attractive, but destructive carrot that dangles before us in our lowest moments. I am sure there are some who are reading this that can testify to the truth and the power of this reality.

What can we do stop this negative momentum, and combat the lies that Satan whispers in our ears during the difficult seasons of our marriage life? Or if you are blessed and doing well in your marriage, what can you do to protect yourself and your marriage from ever traveling to such a low point in life?

Last night, we looked at Philippians 2:1-3, and discovered some very practical tools from the Bible, that if applied to our marriages will not only protect our marriages from disaster, but these tools can also enable us to begin Putting the Steam Back into our Marriages.

The Bible tells us in Philippians 2:1-3:

“Therefore if there is any consolation in Christ, if any comfort of love, if any fellowship of the Spirit, if any affection and mercy, fulfill my joy by being like-minded, having the same love, being of one accord, of one mind. Let nothing be done through selfish ambition or conceit, but in lowliness of mind let each esteem others better than himself.”

Though this Passage of Scripture is meant for us as individual believers, it is also very appropriate for marriage relationships and family dynamics as a whole. In this passage of Scripture, we discovered that there were three key concepts that will help us put the “steam” back into our marriages, while at the same time, protect our marriages from ever running out of steam.

1. Every Couple Needs A Clear Vision Together (Philippians 2:2a)

• We are called to be “like-minded”, and of “one accord”, and the “same mind”. For a family to consistently stay like-minded, and of the same mind, it is important for us to develop a “clear vision” for our marriages, and in the way we parent our children.

• This helps couples and families remain of the same mind, as far as what they are trying to accomplish in their marriage, and in how they raise their children. Have you ever thought about creating a Vision Statement for your Family? A Vision Statement will give you and your family clear direction in life as you move forward together as a family.

• This will give your Family a greater purpose in life, and it can be a powerful vehicle in answering God’s call upon your lives as a couple and as parents in training your children in the Lord. This is what shows your kids that faith is a verb, and not an adjective, and that faith should be lived out, so that when they grow up their faith will hopefully not fade out.

2. Every Couple Must Pursue Love (Philippians 2:2b)

• The Bible tells us that we must have the “same love” for one another. For marriages, this statement is filled with enormous opportunity, and purpose.

• As we proactively look for ways to love one another through our actions, by serving one another and encouraging one another, we will be living this verse out in our lives, which is actively pursuing the “same love” together within our marriage and family context. In other words, it’s love with a purpose.

• A way to practically approach this is by studying out your spouse and learning about the things that will bless your spouse, encourage your spouse, and cause your spouse to feel most loved and supported by you. It’s no easy calling, but if you want to be a blessings to your spouse, a light within your family, and most importantly, if you want to honor God in the way you live your life out at home, it is crucial.

3. Every Couple Needs to ADD STEAM  (Philippians 2:3)

• This verse emphasizes the importance of esteeming one another higher than ourselves, looking out for one another’s interests, rather than our own. The Bible tells us that when we fail to do this, we are living “selfishly.”

• Again, this takes us back to purposeful love from point two, while at the same time it exhorts us to proactively look for ways to build one another up through showing selfless love towards one another.

• If both husband and wife are constantly in a fun-filled purposeful competition to try and out love, out serve, and out esteem one another higher than themselves, by putting the needs of the other above their own needs, they are going to be adding “steam” to their marriage, because they are always esteeming (i.e. adding steam in a good way) to one another’s life.