The Remarriage Dilemma

Dealing with the Remarriage Dilemma

This is a difficult topic to write about due to the fact that there are so many unique scenarios to consider, and because the journey that brought each person to this situation in life varies tremendously. We all know some amazing and godly people who find themselves in this situation. They have been divorced, and now find themselves remarried. Some of them are within the permissive boundaries of God’s word for remarriage, and yet, we also know that some of them are not.

It is definitely a delicate subject to teach on, due to the fact that there is nothing more personal, intimate, and sacred in life, than one’s marriage. And therefore, to suggest that someone’s marriage is outside of God’s best for their lives, or even worse, an act of adultery, can be a crushing blow to one’s emotional and spiritual state of being. I have to be honest with you, knowing that there will be a high percentage of married people who read this article who have been divorced at least once, makes this a difficult article to write about. However, it is in the Bible, and Jesus does clearly speak about it. So it is my hope to help shed some light on this topic for you, to help you be able to better navigate through this complicated issue.

The Cultural Norms

The culture Jesus is addressing would divorce over many insignificant and selfish reasons, which led to a widespread abuse across the board. The cultural norm at this time in world history was that divorce was permissible for any reason, and in some cases they taught that it was actually required. When John the Baptist went against public opinion by rebuking Herod and Herodias for their unlawful sanction (Matthew 14:3-4), he was beheaded for it (Matthew 14:8-11). This is no doubt why Jesus issued a warning that this topic would be a difficult issue to talk about, and hard for some to “accept” (Mt. 19:11).

Jesus was addressing a culture that was really no different than the culture we find ourselves in today. Our culture has been brainwashed into believing that marriage vows can be broken for any number of trivial reasons. “Growing apart”, “not getting along”, and “falling out of love”, are just a few of the many excuses our culture widely accepts as valid reasoning for getting divorced, even within the Christian faith.

However, when we look at the Bible, it is clear that a Christian seeking to be remarried outside of the permissive areas of Scripture (death, sexual immorality, or abandonment by an unbeliever), is not sanctioned in the Bible, and therefore, it forces the church to deal with, and minister to those who find themselves in this situation.

What did Jesus say about this Subject?

When the Pharisees came to Jesus, testing Him about divorce, He took them back to the very first marriage, and explained to them that God created marriage to be between one man and one woman, to last their entire lifetime (Matthew 19:4-6). Thinking they had him now, they tried to trap Jesus by pitting Him against Moses.

They said to Him, “Why then did Moses command to give a certificate of divorce, and to put her away?” (Matthew 19:7). Jesus responded to them by saying, “Moses, because of the hardness of your hearts, permitted you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning it was not so. And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery; and whoever marries her who is divorced commits adultery” (Matthew 19:8-9).

In His response to the Pharisees, there are two things that I would like to point out that Jesus said about this subject.

The first thing is that Jesus answers the Pharisees by saying the reason Moses permitted a certificate of divorce was because of their hardness of hearts. The certificate of divorce that Moses gave to couples with hard hearts (Mt. 19:7; 5:31) was a legal document that husbands gave to wives in order to permit wives to legally remarry again. However, Jesus tells them that this was not God’s original design for marriage (Mt. 19:4-6). The only permissible reason for divorce in God’s eyes was for sexual immorality (Mt. 19:9). God designed marriage, and the marriage vows, to be an important, unbreakable union between Himself and each couple.

The second thing that I would like to look at in this passage is a very revealing statement that Jesus makes. Jesus says, “whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another...” This phrase, “and marries another”, seems to imply that the second marriage, though it begins as an act of adultery, is not considered a perpetual sin of adultery. It appears as if Jesus recognizes it as a marriage, due to the fact that Jesus did not command for the second marriage to be broken up, nor did He make a statement to nullify the second marriage (i.e. “the second marriage doesn’t count”, or “the second marriage is not really a marriage, but a perpetual act of adultery”).

The ESV Study Bible notes on Matthew 19:8-9 add the following comments to this discussion: “Once a second marriage has occurred, it would be further sin to break it up. The second marriage should not be thought of as continually living in adultery, for the man and woman are now married to each other, not to anyone else.”

Additional support for this can be found in King David’s life. When David sinned against God by committing adultery with Bathsheba, which led to her getting pregnant, he tried to conceal his sin by murdering Bathsheba’s husband Uriah (2 Samuel 11). God sent Nathan the prophet to David, saying, “Why have you despised the word of the LORD, to do what is evil in his sight? You have struck down Uriah the Hittite with the sword and have taken his wife to be your wife and have killed him with the sword of the Ammonites. Now therefore the sword shall never depart from your house, because you have despised me and have taken the wife of Uriah the Hittite to be your wife” (2 Samuel 12:9-10).

In this unfortunate story about David’s moral downward spiral in life, we see that even though he commits adultery with Bathsheba and has her husband murdered (2 Samuel 12:9), God now recognizes her as David’s wife (2 Samuel 12:10). David then cries out, “I have sinned against the LORD” (2 Samuel 12:13a), to which Nathan replies, “The LORD also has put away your sin” (2 Samuel 12:13b). In other words, David blew it big time by committing adultery, then murder, then unlawfully marrying Bathsheba. He confesses his sin, and God forgives him.

In addition, I would like to point out that God eventually worked this mess that David created, out for good. The Bible says, “Then David comforted his wife Bathsheba (after the death of their firstborn), and went in to her and lay with her, and she bore a son, and he called his name Solomon. And the LORD loved him and sent a message by Nathan the prophet. So he called his name Jedidiah (beloved of  the LORD), because of the LORD” (1 Samuel 12:24-25). So we see that God ended up blessing this union between David and Bathsheba by giving them Solomon who was loved by God, and used mightily for God’s purposes.

Returning back to Jesus’ conversation on this subject in Matthew 19, I believe it is important to also mention that scholars on both sides of this debate, agree that it was a given in the culture Jesus was speaking to, that a certificate of divorce meant a person was no longer bound to anyone, and therefore they would be free to remarry. No one in Jesus’ audience was thinking that remarriage wouldn’t be an option. Meaning, if the point Jesus was trying to make was that remarriage after divorce was an unacceptable, unforgivable act against God, He would have made that point. But that wasn’t what the discussion was about. The question that was asked of Jesus by the Pharisees was, “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for just any reason?” (Matthew 19:3). Remarriage was not what the discussion was about, but divorce.

I am not trying to argue that remarriage outside of the Bible’s permissive guidelines is condoned by God, and should be accepted by the church as a God-honoring practice. What I am trying to argue is that we have a multitude of people who find themselves in this particular marriage demographic, doing their best to live life for God, and yet, finding themselves in this unique, and at times, frowned-upon category of remarried Christians.

When is Remarriage Permitted?

Remarriage is permitted for the faithful partner when the divorce was on biblical grounds. So Christians who divorce because of marital unfaithfulness are allowed by God to marry another believer (Matthew 5:32; 19:9), as are those believers who have been forsaken by an unbeliever (1 Corinthians 7:15).

When discussing marital unfaithfulness, many people believe that the Bible is referring exclusively to a spouse being unfaithful with another person, i.e. adultery. However, it is not limited to adultery, but all forms of sexual immorality. In Matthew 5:32, Jesus says, “But I say to you that whoever divorces his wife for any reason except sexual immorality causes her to commit adultery...” The Greek word for sexual immorality in this verse is porneia, which would include all forms of gross sexual immorality.

Therefore, the question must be asked, was your spouse (usually the man) involved with pornography? If so, this frees a believing spouse up to remarry again after divorce, as it is considered sexual immorality (Matthew 5:32; 19:9), and is most definitely a form of adultery (Matthew 5:27-28).

Sexual Immorality, Abandonment, and One More Thing

We know that remarriage is permitted when a person commits sexual immorality, when an unbeliever abandons the marriage, and I would like to argue for one more valid reason  to be considered for permissible divorce that was unheard of in the early church, and is unique to our culture.

The issue that we face in our church culture today is easy-believism (salvation without sanctification). Easy-believism is a foreign concept throughout the Word of God. I personally believe there are a lot of people who profess to be Christians, who have entered into marriage where Christ was nowhere to be found, nor was He ever sought, and the marriage ended in divorce. This scenario would put the born-again spouse in a difficult dilemma in regards to his or her freedom to remarry.

If a born-again believer was married to another professing believer, whose relationship with Jesus never progressed past saying “the sinners prayer”, and there has been no change in their walk with Jesus to this day, there is a high probability that they do not know Jesus (cf. John 8:31-32). In this situation the marriage could be looked at under the lenses of a believer/unbeliever marriage. In addition to this, back when the Bible was written, it cost a person dearly to claim Christ as their Lord. In our culture, it cost a person nothing. Therefore, easy-believism would not have been an issue when Jesus walked the earth unlike it is in our culture.

In Conclusion

In conclusion, the Bible is clear about God’s design for marriage, God’s permissive decrees for divorce, and God’s instructions to those who seek to be remarried.

This of course is a perplexing situation that many find themselves in today, but one that God can still use for His redemptive glory. For those who have married outside of the permissive boundaries of Scripture, there is forgiveness and grace from God in this area of life, just like every other area of life where we travel outside of God’s will (1 John 1:9). Once confession and repentance has taken place, the couple should strive to do their best in staying close to Jesus, and honoring Him with their marriage.

Whatever situation you find yourself in today, I believe that God wants you and your spouse to draw near to Him (James 4:8), and to put Him first in all that you do (Matthew 6:33), so that you will bring Him glory, and be a living demonstration of what a relationship with Jesus is supposed to look like (Ephesians 5:32).

I have one final thought and exhortation to leave you with. I want to point out that the Bible is quite clear that “God hates divorce” (Malachi 2:16), and forgiveness and reconciliation should always be the marks of a believers’ life (Ephesians 4:31-32). Therefore, if your spouse has blown it, and is repentant (confession is made, and action steps are being taken), it is always God’s desire to allow the Gospel to be lived out within your marriage, as opposed to the law.

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